Family Ties

As the Keaton household gets ready for the first day of the new school year, Alex reminds Jennifer of how incredibly successful he was at the high school she's about to enter, and preps Andrew on the most efficient kindergarten take-over tactics, before leaving for the Leland campus to participate in a psychology research project on overachievers. Having responded to an ad soliciting paid subjects, Alex shows up for his first interview and is greeted by the author of the study, pretty senior Psychology major, Lauren Miller. They clash almost immediately over Alex's monetary demands and Lauren's increasingly heated allusions to the emotionally-bankrupt, materialistic attitudes of overachievers like him.

Mallory is thrilled to follow in ""Dear Abby's"" footsteps when she's tapped to write the personal advice column in the Columbus Shopper's Guide. She manages to involve the entire family, even Alex, in reading and answering the growing stack of mail, while searching for the perfect letter to launch her career in psycho-journalism. Mallory finally settles on a note from a lovesick teen who signs her correspondence ""First Love"".

While Nick entertains the Keatons with a demonstration of the ""salesmanship"" he's using in his new job selling lightbulbs over the phone, an impatient Andrew waits for Alex to come home so they can watch a special edition of ""Wall Street Week"" together. When Alex finally arrives, Andy is depressed to see that he has brought his new love, Lauren Miller. To make matters worse, Alex forgoes watching ""Wall Street Week"" in favor of spending time with Lauren, which only adds to Andy's frustration.

Jennifer is appalled when nerdy sophomore Simon Wickerson falls head over heels in love with her. Although Jennifer rejects his advances, Simon is undaunted. He follows her home and tries to shower her with expensive gifts, but Jennifer only has eyes for Roger, a sophomore ""hunk"" who doesn't even know she's alive.

As Elyse wraps up a major project for her firm, she realizes that her busy architectural career is causing her to neglect her family, especially Andy. Although Elyse feels terrible about not devoting more time with Steven and the kids, she doesn't want to give up her rewarding position at the firm. Just when she expects a breather, Elyse's boss dumps a prestigious project into her lap. Inspired by the challenge, she accepts the enormous job, despite initial misgivings. Later that afternoon, when a teacher calls to tell Elyse that no one has come to pick Andy up from school, ""Super Mom"" begins to feel like a failure, unable to juggle her private and professional demands.

When Steven arrives home with news of a job opening at his station, an internship position he feels would be perfect for Mallory, he finds his family deeply engrossed in a contest to locate the missing ""Colonel Crackle"" from clues found in Crackle cereal boxes. An excited Alex happily spearheads the search, which offers the winner a 5,000 dollar prize. Steven is equally enthused about the idea of having Mallory come to work at WKS. Although Mallory tries to squirm out of giving him an immediate answer, Steven dismisses her objections and pressures her into accepting his offer.